so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
A guy just walked down the street dressed as Mickey Mouse holding a 40oz. Where the hell did you leave me?
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
You said that when your ex gave you a blowjob her mouth was like velvet
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
my grandma just gave me a shoebox fulled to the top with tootsie rolls and condoms with a not that said "enjoy college, find a big cock" i'm not sure how I feel about this
Eat your greens and take your tequila shots
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
if people come over to pregame will you hide my Oreos
Randomize
