They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
I look at sleeping with him as a way to get up in the world. He will lead me on to bigger and better penises.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Pizza and koolaid didn't even make me feel better. This hangover means business
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
I wanted to say, you're welcome for your orgasms, thanks for not returning the favor, Needledick
it will be a surprise...all I can say is stripper clown.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
Randomize
