We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
I lost of the blow last night. Found it later in my bag labeled Fairy Dust.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
you seemed to enjoy falling down hill
wow, never heard the last few months of my life put so succint
Hey, it's Thrasher! From the hospital!
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
No, I'm just drunk and was excited cause a hot stranger bought me tacos.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
