i jhust puked up my retainher.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
well, someone with very low standards is getting their dick sucked
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
Randomize
