i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
The cop didn't care that I was peeing on the wall of my dorm building... All he said was, "come on, it's 9am."
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Your lack of dedication to alcohol is forcing me to drink with my ex husband. U suck
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
Wrong. I really wanted to see the movie. And she was on top of me like she was riding a mechanical bull. Who am I to complain? I live to serve.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
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