You don't have asthma, your pregnant
how do you have sooo much energy?
billy mays threw in a lil somethin extra when i ordered some oxiclean last week
Tonight has been like a good ass fucking high school movie
A good Q tip ear swabbing is better than bad sex.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
Can I just go naked and covered in glitter?
Have you considered murder?
Other than my credit score and this bowl of oatmeal, not really. It's very messy
Randomize
