It wouldn't matter if you are Jesus Christ himself, you are not getting into the bar tonight
I just called a phone sex line and you know what I did? I sat there and cried
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
So does your leg always twitch violently when someone plays with your clitoris? Or has my ten years of piano playing finally paid off?
no you cant smoke seaweed
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Okay, I just got to our real hotel and the YMCA may have been a better choice. A man w/ no shirt on
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
