i was so high last night while i was driving i felt like i was riding a bike with no pedals
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
is it sad that I can recall my outfits by who took them off?
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Randomize
