Black lace...the rest is up to ur imagination
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I think you are the only one slutty enough and evil enough for the job. Just go in and blue ball him. He broke my nose in Middle school. He deserves this.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
Cause I'll toss Tabasco sauce in his eyes and yell "Cobra attack" and walk away
you can't let guys come on your chest and then hog my blanket
Found a trail of Taco Bell hot sauce packets through the garage to our back door and cheese in my bra. I'll say it was a successful Sunday Funday.
Valentine's Day is now to be known as Tacos and Orgasms Day.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
Randomize
