I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
we turned his baptism video into a drinking game
A piece of cheeseburger just fell between my tits. Consider this a "wish you were here" postcard.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I blame it on the rum. It keeps jumpng doqn my throst.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
My vagina is officially offended.
Like not to be gross, he was eating me out while I was smoking a bowl. It was like a rap video
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
I swear I'm an adult. I say as I send my mom to go find me green lucky charms and lady gaga oreos
Randomize
