Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
Last thing I remember is beer bonging sangria. Dear God.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
It was all going fine until I had to chug that strawberita bud light. That really ended badly.
He sent me a text from across the party that said "your sexy." I just couldn't.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
So I paid Bumble $10 to see who liked my profile for a month. Cheap, easy dick. It's all about the economics, yo.
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
