I wannas sexs uuuuu
this guy literally just gave me a gold star sticker for the "stellar" blow job i gave him. ashamed? i think not.
The guy at McDonald's just told us there is no flash photography allowed.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
I always ask when they're due. It's the nicest way for me to let her know the rest of the world can tell she's putting on weight too
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
I have a third degree burn on my inner thigh from the blunt dropping on me in the car
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
I'm so high right now that I'm wearing gloves.
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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