Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I just met the 30 percent of the population with an STD
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Last week in my political science paper I quoted the Mighty Ducks. This week, I compared the Constitution to a weird pickle law in Connecticut (by law, it's not a pickle unless it bounces). So, yeah, clearly I'm ready to be back to being a college student.
Yeah, this is not that. This is a father and son bonding moment involving my all of my orifices.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
Did we actually play with swords last night or did I dream that?
You can make out without kissing
Explanation needed
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
