Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Well maybe next time you won't tell me to do whatever I want.
I dont wanna date her. I just wanna be able to run a blacklight over her face and prove ownership.
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
it's like my ID runs away from me when it knows it's time for me to drink
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Well Jon got a DUI sleeping in the back seat so I thought the trunk was safer. BUT WHO CARES WHY JUSE PLEASE COME LET ME OUT!
Randomize
