Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
sometimes you just have to masturbate at your friend's house.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
It feels like my uterus is trying to crawl out of my ass wearing cleats. And yourself?
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I'm counting my small victories this morning. For instance, I haven't puked at work yet.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
I think I should've done my makeup before I took the acid. Because now I just feel silly looking at myself in the mirror
some guy had a sword and everyones crying..it turned bad..fast.
Randomize
