I only want to know people that are dynamic intelligent and totally insane
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
There should be a blender full of rum, tea, and grape jelly in the freezer. She thought it was a good idea until she blew chunks.
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I just had to give myself a pep talk to stop lying on my floor. Literally too hung over to function
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Wait I'm all alone with a guy and his turtle
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Just remember, the Browns have more wins than Ronda Rousey this year.
Everytime I feel sad about the break up; I recall that she is a Bernie supporter and feel all better
Lesbians just stole my cat :(
Randomize
