I hope you have a really shitty weekend. I love you.
Drunkenly found an error on my bar tab last night. THANK YOU ACCOUNTING.
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
She was just a sweet cute intern for us until I saw her naked in my bed the day after the Christmas party
You're wrong. It's my BIRTHDAY. We all know it's impossible to get pregnant on my diva day!
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
I got so drunk I thought my tennis court was a corn field so I laid in it and ate pizza
Woo is fucking right, dude. Vodka night tonight. Honestly, every night pretty much seeems like vodka night lately. My liver wants to move out of my body like I gave it an eviction notice.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
Randomize
