If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
It's like an R Kelly music video in here. Only a matter of time before someone pisses on someone
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Made eye contact with a friendly neighborhood dog walker while violently puking out the window. How's your Wednesday going?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
