Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
two gay guys came in and bought just a kite and a box of wine. Why cant I have saturday nights that awesome
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She's riding a bike down the street and drinking brown liquor. A pt cruiser is honking at her and she's like I HEAR YOU!!
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I`m watching Shallow Hal & Jack Black has better nipples than Jimmy's chick.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
He made me choke him and call him Papi..so all in all a good night.
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
Randomize
