glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
Haha, just learned changing others iPhone passcodes is fun while drunk but not fun the next morning.
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
she ate the whole pudding cup using only her tongue. i'm considering going lesbian for her
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
That's some primal shit right there. My vagina is all like CONSUME HIM AND HIS FRUIT HE WILL GIVE YOU SONS!
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Just because he told you it was safe doesn't mean you should have licked it.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I could definitely fill a shot glass w my cum
please don't
Randomize
