Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
awkward like he asked me out for a "rest of the summer make out buddy" thing and I kind of had a female testicle retreat moment
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
She's thinkin about havin beer pong at her reception... She's walkin a fine line between trashy and the best idea ever
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
Found the puke drawer
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
We're in the kiddy pool eating marshmellows and drinking wine out of a box. Please dress casual.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
