So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just brought the toaster out onto the porch to light a cigarette, don't talk to me about being desperate.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
If I had a dick, I'd stick it in some Oreo pancakes
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
Randomize
