in vegas stuck in the middle of a pride right now
Pride?
thats a pack of cougars
go fuck yourself
I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
We just stood on the porch wondering how you managed to puke up a whole piece of bologna
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
I don't know what you slipped me, but my TV is vomming blood right now. Thanks, jerkoff.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
Looking back, we probably shouldn't have chased alcohol with more alcohol
Randomize
