Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
I haven't seen Daniella all day...are you sure she was safe going home with that guy?
oh don't worry! i asked him if he was a rapist. he said no
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
In hindsight following that black guy in the ghostbusters costume was a terrible decision on everyone's part
SOME BITCH AT THE HOSTEL STOLE MY NUT BUTTER THERE WILL BE BLOOD
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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