she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Just make it a game! Like 20 questions STD style.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I POOPED CONFETTI TOO. Ingested unacceptable amount of it oh my god can I die from this?
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
