Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
is it bad that listening to the rabbi's wife talk about how we should only be with one person is making me really, really horny for no string attached sex
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
i just like, need to vent to someone
Can we skip the part where I pretend to care and fast forward to the appreciative blowjob from you?
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
Randomize
