I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
there was a 40 knocked over. chips and salsa all over the floor. and she was in her thong doing boot camp on demand in the middle of the room..
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Omg. I'm making you a chocolate and "herb" birthday cake and using joints for candles. I'm gunna need moms help with this!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize
