"it" just moved
Can we ask the Hungry Howie's guy to pick up some blunt wraps on the way over?
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
and then i signed some dudes back with a turkey hand print in honor of thanksgiving
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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