he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
he walked out as i was licking snow off of his car...
Im calling him
was mistake calling. If you drunk dial someone you deserve to choke on a tubesock. Take the advice. Always remember
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
she walked up to me at the bar, kissed me, andthen declared "I HAVEN'T SEEN YOU OR YOUR PENIS SINCE 2011."
Little girl was fucking around on the train and completely ran her head into a pole. Totally burst out laughing as she cried. Her mom was not amused. I don't think I should be a Mom. EVER.
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