I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
If I end up married to you I better get lots of orgasms to help me forget I failed at life.
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
Randomize
