At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
never have phone sex with a hardcore republican during this health care crisis . just dont.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
My roommate got wasted last night and went to the 24 hour Bally's Total Fitness at 3 A.M. He got back took his shirt off, made a protein shake, puked, asked me if he was almost as jacked as Ronnie Coleman then called ME gay before I could say anything and went to bed
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
halloween is the only time that anne boleyn, the joker, a cowgirl, and a mexican man complete with sombrero and poncho can all hit the same blunt
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
You made a course evaluation for your vagina? Wow. You really are a professor now.
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I'm gonna have to get you a special blowjob bib -- like a lobster bib -- but instead of a picture of a little red lobster, it will have a picture of a penis, with 3 big squirts coming out.
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I need dunkaroos back in my life.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
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