He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
Dude it was weird. The strippers vagina tasted kind of like your mother's.
who put toothpaste on EVERY doorknob in my house?!
Come to me. Jacob is confessing his love and all I want is a hot dog. With chili. Not love.
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
I've seen you dance and let's just say its a good thing you don't have a small dick
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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