He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
Moonshine marathon is never a good idea
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Do you think he will let me wear my neck fan while he throws my back out?
Please shut the fuck up.
Randomize
