So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Wow my backseat really seemed a lot bigger when we were 16
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
The guy I screamed at across the bar for booing the Bruins ended up buying me shots I had to explain to him there's not a chance in hell I would ever fuck a Canadian! #Bostonstrong
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
i just realized I haven't been laid all summer. So sad. What a waste of a perfectly good vagina.
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