I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
You should ask if we are margaritasing tomorrow. and yes i did just turn that into a verb
Your therapist is not going to think that you using your vagina as revenge is okay
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
The extent of "getting it in" was this creepy guy sticking his finger in my bellybutton
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
