His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Yes I have a handle on life. A handle of Svedka.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I've carried my liver for over 24 years. If it can't carry me for the next 24 hours than it deserves to be damaged.
Watching frozen planet. There's a beach master sea lion with about 50 sea lion bitches fighting another sea lion for said bitches. It's a bloody battle. Dude. You have over 50. Share.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
How the fuck can he download so much porn but not know how to find the Skype app?
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
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