god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
She asked to borrow my chapstick then said "I promise I won't get herpes on it"
I just saw a homeless man with a cat on a leash. reminded me of you.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
Whoever put the picture of my dad in the condom box is an asshole
Yep. My memoirs will be called "A Slore Worth Mentioning"
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
passed out on bart again and decide to bike home. biked thru a goat farm of angry goats, biked on the freeway, got stopped by the cops, and sat shotgun in the squad car while the officer driving got a video on his iphone of his partner riding my bike on the freeway.
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I woke up and there was a tiny sombrero on my penis. Care to explain?
Randomize
