I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
What kind of costume was that supposed to be??
I'm an orgasm trader!
I'd feel bad about being drunk at the Christmas service, except for the fact that I've already had sex in this church, so this is just small change.
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
