JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
We got a party bus for the nite. I found out the hard way why stripper poles are meant for girls.
He passed out mid-signature
it's like her boobs came off with her bra
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
we found you in the kitchen at five am trying to make a vodka omelette. you said you didn't want to live in a world where your two favourite things couldn't be together.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
she opened a can of olives, drained the juice and poured ranch dressing in. oh and 'croutons' (saltines) on top...
this is honestly why we're friends. we drink tea and plan to do drugs together.
Randomize
