hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
I really wanna talk..
if by talk you mean have nasty makeup sex involving marshmellow fluff.. I'm down
I am like king midas for the gay community. everything I touch turns into a lesbian.
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
Okay. I am working on pulling a tooth out of my mouth. Call me.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
After we banged he volunteered to ducksit while I went to work. I think that's true love.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
