I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
You can't buy drugs with a ziplock bag full of quarters, chuck-e-cheese coins, and a starbucks giftcard.
watch me
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
I have nothing to say for myself. When 2chainz comes on at the bar all bets are off.
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I knew it was you who came home last night because no one else would walk in at 3 am and start microwaving a burrito
I told him I wanted to fuck him and he hasn't texted me back in 4 days...am I missing something
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
I will not go because I am a man of my word and of my penis.
Randomize
