Yeah, i don't remember peeing. or meeting the girl.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
I have a gash on my leg an a lobster leg in my purse.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
So I saw her today...and it was weird...she is just like not pregnant anymore.
Dude...how high are you? of course she isnt pregnant anymore...thats what happens when you give birth
Just realized my relationship wasn't even Facebook official and I'd already cheated on him. 'Shitty girlfriend' is an understatement.
I woke up to my roommate checking my pulse
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Randomize
