i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Like many of my risky ideas this has "burned genitals" written all over it
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
We were simultaneously boning chicks 3 feet away from each other. Do you realize how much that upped our 15 year friendship?
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
