I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
Also...you were trying to touch his balls without him noticing
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She deserves a chance to suck my penis. This is America. Its her God given right.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
Me and tommy were trying to figure out why our printer was jammed, found a condom stuck in the paper slot. #collegeprobs
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Randomize
