just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Police were just in my backyard to recover a loaded .38. What the fuck?????
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
Can you find me some 'I threw up in my hair last night' medicine?
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
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