My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
It's only Tuesday and I just measured and checked to see if my 6'5 Friday booty call will fit in the back of my jeep comfortably.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
sent a snap of my boobs out to my FWB his response was what happened to your other nipple ring.. how do I say it got ripped out by my other FWB last week without sounding like a slut
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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