hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
At what point in my life was I not hugged enough to be on my fourth walk of shame in half as many weeks?
Woke up with a migrane, threw up blood, then my headache went away. I'm going to convince myself that it was just a bad batch of blood so I can drink again tonight
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
he kept opening the car door while we were ON THE HIGHWAY and insisting he could walk. next time i drive my boss home at 3am i'm putting the child lock on
He came over to use the microwave, said he needed to heat up some urine.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
I told him I just left the convent and really wanted a man. He fell for it. Sure beats telling him I'm a nympho stalker that followed him to the bar when I saw his beard.
Fine I'll cuddle you but only for the purpose of trying to survive
Randomize
