put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
when you get a chance can you look up 'free abortion clinic' for me? cuz i dont think i'll be lucky enough for a second miscarriage.
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
why is it ever time u get laid i end up having to clean something twice? you have no idea how hard it is to wash smugged ass cheeks off the counter
there not mine if that helps
Well im sitting on a futon on a porch at 1:30 in the afternoon drinking boxed wine out of a pint glass next to a chick with a homemade neckbrace. What do you think?
Strip club for my birthday. And none of this discrimination shit. We're going to a guys one and girls one. Go get your singles.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
At least one of us had a weekend full of money and dick
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
do nipples grow back?
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