the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
I don't even know why im sitting in this office eating a poptart.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
