The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
