Yeh xou jao i ama wa7tdud !!
Oh my god. its not even twelve thirty and you are useless.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
Every day I regret the life decisions that led me to bank management and NOT being a coke addicted stripper. Every. Single. Day.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
She pushed me over. She offered me a shot from her tits. We're good now
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
