ive come to realize my hair is a lot like my vagina. i put a bunch of shit in it with no result
I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i just heard one Asian kid say to another, "i bet if i could get into Harvard i could get laid all the time, my brother lost his virginity the first night there."
The only ground rules are no one is allowed to come who will say "no, that's a bad idea" or "what if we get arrested?"
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
I left his apartment Bc I lost my id. Wandered 5 miles barefoot. Got lost in downtown la. My phone died so I asked for directions from a man at the gas station.. Turns out he was a bum. He led me back to the apartment AND he found my id.
It's like the whiskey god was watching over you
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
