Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
my near death experience doubled as my sexual awakening
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